Dear Lord

I freely admit that I am a loser. I have let you down in every way possible. My mind is a mingled mash of mush. I can’t find contentment in any shape or form. When you give me stability and safety, I don’t see it or appreciate it. Then I walk away from it like a fool only to find myself in a more desperate situation than ever.

Lord please forgive me. Also help me to see more clearly. Help me to think clearly like Albert Einstein and his thought experiments. I need your help Lord. I need your protection and clearly your wisdom.

Help me find my way and help me not to make an even worse mess than I already have made. Help me find a job and bless me with your favor in this area.

thank you Lord for listening.

Amen

zen_as_a_frog

Zen is skill I wish I could master. In times like this when everything just plain stinks, being able to calmly accept the  insanity of my life would be very useful. Unfortunately I have this little problem called anger. Zen and anger don’t mix at least I don’t think they do.

My increasing frustration over the state of my employment and the slow rot of my personal wealth, has me seeing red. It doesn’t help that employers in this neck of the woods are nothing short of circus acts. Doesn’t anyone hire people for normal jobs anymore? I don’t want to network. I don’t want to meet another person trying to shuck their product on me. I just want a job. A full-time, with vacation and retirement plan job. Too much to ask for???? I guess so. Plainly I can’t stay here.

I am left wondering what to do. My husband’s car is dead. Can we afford the $300 month car payment, no. But can you even find a cheap used car anymore? No.

What the heck is going on?

levitating-boat

I am a very sensitive person both in the sense that I can easily be upset by others but also in the psychic sense. Sensitive people tend to have very vivid dreams and I am no exception. Often when I awake in the morning I am left with the feeling of the dream. It can impact my entire day if I let it. I have recently started to remember to put a dream in its place but because I am also trying not to ignore the psychic side of me. This means paying attention to dreams and the symbols in them.

Last night I dreamt it was Christmas. I was at my aunt’s home staying over night. In fact the entire family was staying there (plus people I didn’t know). I had a few boxes of gifts that needed to be sorted and packed. It was confusing to figure out which belonged to whom. I had a list I was making but I kept falling asleep while working on it and in some cases I couldn’t see what I was looking at. This happens a lot in my dreams. I will be looking at something and it will be blurry or it will just be a foggy black.

After I awoke, I went out with some family members to go on a boat on a lake near by. The lake had perfectly clear water and I could see down to the bottom. There were dark areas and I think I said it out loud  – those are the deepest areas. There were several of them and I knew the depth of each. I also saw boats on the lake and you could see the their shadows on the bed of the lake. We were walking on a high cliff looking down at the lake so everything appeared small.

Then it switched and we were walking along river looking down again from the same cliff. That river was also very clear but there were rapids spread out on it. I remember thinking it would be fun to ride along it.

While I was intrigued by the water I also feared it. I can’t swim so I was afraid I would drown.

While dreaming about the boxes of gifts, I also dreamt about crochet and the yarn I wanted to buy. As well a what I needed like a flexible needle to string on beads. There were a lot of sweaters in that box.

Interpretation

These come from a web site called Dream Moods. It’s  been around forever.

Lake
To see a lake in your dream signifies your emotional state of mind. You feel restricted and that you can’t express your emotions freely. Alternatively, the lake may provide you with solace, security, and peace of mind. If the lake is clear and calm, then it symbolizes your inner peace. If the lake is disturbed, then you may be going through some emotional turmoil.

River
To see a clear and calm river in your dream indicates that you are just going with the flow. You are allowing your life to float away. It is time to take a more decisive role in directing your life. Alternatively, a river symbolizes joyful pleasures, peace, prosperity and fertility. If you are crossing a river in your dream, then it represents an obstacle or issue that you need to deal with in order to move closer toward your goal. It is also reflective of a new stage in your life.�If the river is muddy, then it indicates that you are in turmoil.

To see a raging or an overflowing river in your dream signifies that your life is feeling out of control. You are feeling emotionally unsettled. Alternatively, this dream means you are ready to confront life’s challenges and life’s twists and turns.

To dream that a river is comprised of flowing red chili refers to the raw emotion, and intense passion or anger that is flowing through you and yearning to be expressed.�

To dream that you are bathing in a river represents purification and cleansing.

Boat
To dream that you are in or see a boat signifies your ability to cope with and express your emotions. Pay particular attention to the condition and state of the waters, whether it is calm or violent, clear or murky, etc. Are you “smooth sailing”? Alternatively, you may be ready to confront your subconscious and unknown aspects of yourself. The dream could be telling you not to rock the boat and to stay out of harm’s way.

To dream that you are trying to jump off a boat suggests that you want to confront those difficult emotions and approach your problems head on.

Christmas
To dream of Christmas symbolizes family togetherness, reunions, celebration, peace, goodwill, generosity, and human kindness. It is also representative of new beginnings and fresh starts. Consider also your own associations with this holiday.

Cliff
To dream that you are standing at the edge of a cliff indicates that you have reached an increased level of understanding, new awareness, and a fresh point of view. You have reached a critical point in your life and cannot risk losing control. Alternatively, it suggests that you are pondering a life-altering decision.

To dream that you or someone falls off a cliff suggests that you are going through a difficult time and are afraid of what is ahead for you. You fear that you may not be up for the challenge or that you cannot meet the expectations of others.�

To dream that you are climbing to the top of a cliff symbolizes your ambition and drive. The dream may parallel your desires to achieve success and to be the at the top of your profession. It is analogous to climbing the corporate ladder.

Gift
To dream that you are giving a gift signifies your generosity towards others. Alternatively, you may be trying to express some feeling or have something awkward to say that has to be carefully packaged. If you are showering someone with gifts, then it indicates that you are being overly pushy with your advice. Or that you are trying to hard to be accepted.�If you are buying or giving someone expensive gifts, then it symbolizes the sacrifices you are making for that person. You want to make them feel important.

To dream that you receive a gift indicates that you are being rewarded and recognized for your generosity and giving nature. You are held in high esteem by those around you.�If someone gives you an inappropriate gift, then it suggests that you are the subject of unwelcome attention from someone. If you dream that you give someone an inappropriate gift, then it suggests that your true nature will eventually be exposed. Analyze the gift you give or receive for additional significance.

To see a pile of gifts symbolizes unutilized or unrecognized skills and talents.

To open a gift and find something disgusting inside symbolizes disappointments or unexpected failures.

Dear Lord
Another week has begun, help me to remain motivated and positive in my circumstances. I know you are watching over me even if I don’t feel your presence. I believe you have a great plan for me and I will find the right job and place for me.

Amen

Dear Lord

Please help me to see the choices you present to me. Give me the courage and belief in myself needed to confidently pursue them. Show me favor by opening up doors to me that have been previously shut. Give me clarity of mind so that I remain on the course you choose for me.

Amen

yellowlotus

In order to follow a journey, you need to first establish the starting point and consider where you are today. What is going on in the physical as well as mental realms.

The purpose of this blog is to document prayers and experiences of my career journey. I have 19 years experience as a graphic designer. My husband and I made a decision to relocate to another state for a job opportunity. I had no job myself. It has been 8 months since we left our old home and I am still trying to get a job. The impact on me has been significant.

I know I can turn to friends and family for help but at some point I feel I must also work through this on my own. After a while people can get weary of hearing about a particular issue you are facing. I need to work it out.

Yesterday was the lowest point for me when I received an email stating that “other more qualified candidates were being considered for the position.” The position had a requirement of 5 years experience so clearly my experiences wasn’t the issue, but it still impacted me gravely. I literally felt energy rising up through my body after I had read it. I am not certain how to describe the energy but it was extremely uncomfortable and mixed with emotions.

With all my excellent experience, good designs and progressive work experience, I am utterly at a loss about what is happening to me. I know I am in good company however.

So I will be documenting my feelings and experiences from this point forward. I hope it will be cathartic and also enlightening. I may have to face tough choices in the future but I believe by getting out of my head, I will make better ones.